and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
