Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
