Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
