I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
