True but thats because hes a fetus.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
