So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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