I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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