So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
