So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
