she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
