Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
