I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
