Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
