i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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