the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
