I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
