you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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