I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
