There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
