Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
