When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
