If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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