Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
