thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
