It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
