She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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