My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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