So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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