i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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