my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
