ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
