If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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