Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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