pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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