In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
