This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
