i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
