He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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