i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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