currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
