She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
