i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
bring money and cleavage
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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