Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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