i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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