Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
