i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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