He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
