New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
