I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
