He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
