In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
